Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Dear Black Friday Fans

Dear Black Friday Fans:
I would like to remind you that last year some really eager counterparts of yours (read: greedy) took the life of someone's son. What a shame that a reduced-priced gadget is worth more to you than a living, breathing person. What a travesty that the flat screen you want so badly on which you will witness thousands of unreal deaths will be the cause for you to participate in a real mob killing (actually, it's not the TV's fault. You're just greedy). In trying to save a buck this Friday, please stop. Save a life. Use your mouth to build up your fellow Black Friday fans. Keep your middle finger to yourself. Let someone else have that parking spot. Dudes, let the ladies ahead of you (yeah, even if they seem obnoxiously pushy). Finally, what will it matter if you gain the Friday discount but lose your own soul?

Dear Corporate America in a Depressed Economic America:
Shame on you for feeding our appetites for more. While you have your logos emblazoned all over charities and sponsorships, you sit in your boardrooms lusting for more and groping to keep your investors happy. While you throw money distantly to society's disenfranchised, your commercials are positioned to exploit the passions of the same ones. You'll get back your charity money eventually. Sad.
(By the way, Sears, I appreciate your approach this year. It saves on the madness.)
Shame on you for opening your doors even earlier? When will 3am be too late? How about this for a change: open your doors at 7 and keep the same deals all day long or save the best deals till later? How counterintuitive would that be to your marketing strategy? Try it.
Finally, what will it matter if Friday's spending results in increased 4th quarter revenue and you die?

Dear Jesus:
Forgive me for my own greed and for any hypocrisy in the above charges. I long for your redemption. Thank you for pouring out your riches, becoming poor and dying for my greedy self so that I might be rich toward God. Have mercy on me, a sinner.

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